Monday, June 9, 2008

So, I'll bet you're wondering where I've been. It's been a funny story actually, but this past month I had a veritable breakdown, or that is, the big one that all the little ones have led up to.

Let me preface this by saying that the Peace Corps slogan is "the toughest job you'll ever love." That is the world's biggest understatement. Peace Corps is the toughest job you'll ever possibly survive emotionally. It is a hard, hard thing, going from working from 4pm to 2am in a high stress situation, even if it is just serving pizzas and going home to your quiet apartment in Chicago and ordering Thai food in, to sitting in a hammock 14 hours a day, eating dehydrated foods and hardboiled eggs for every meal, stressing out about whether the water is potable and listening to dogs bark raucously every night. It got to the point that I was doing nothing but sitting in my hammock by day, calling my mom at about 10pm, and then crying myself to sleep every night. No one that I know can call that lifestyle healthy, even in the scheme of Peace Corps volunteering.

That said, last Tuesday I was diagnosed with "major depression." I don't know exactly how "major" it is, as anyone can vouch that I am not a normally depressed person, but following that I was hospitalized from Wednesday night to Monday afternoon (today!) so that they could moniter me as I started out on some medicine (Cymbalta, in case anyone is curious). Of course, I don't think I am a depressed person at all, and entirely chalk this whole experience up to situational stresses that have made me go insane. The biggest stress of all is my living situation. Luckily for me, my APCD (assistant program country director, or technically, my boss) is a very understanding man and is working with me to change my living situation to a site that is bigger, with more opportunities to have a job to go to every day, whether it is through the Ministry of Health or another private organization. I'm really excited about this, as some sites named as possibilities have been Chepo, Torti, Canita and Santa Fe, but my original request was denied to go to Meteti, as it is too far into the Darien.

So, friends and family, wish me luck as I possibly embark on a new chapter of my Peace Corps service, to define my second year. I don't want to terminate early as I am already this far in, and so hopefully this will make life MUCH easier for me, and help me be an effective volunteer as well.

My second update will come sometime tomorrow, and will include pictures. I love and miss you all!

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

i love you. hope things look up. i plan on coming to visit so you better stay!! (that is only if you are happy).

Anonymous said...

I love you, Melissa! I admire you so much for doing this, and for just making it this far, you're such an inspiration to me! I know things will work out in the end, with whatever happens. I'll be thinking about you. Love you tons and take care!

Lauren

Oma and Opa said...

Missy ..we did not know you had been in the hospital.Mom probably did not want to tell me as she knows how I worry. We knew that you were unhappy where you were, but guess we didn't know how serious it was. We are praying that your new adventure will be more full fillng. We love you and miss you.

Lydia said...

I miss you and I'm thinking about you! What do you think about CoCo and I coming to Quebrada to give a sex charla (or a different topic si quieres) around June 9th or 10th-ish? We´ve got time to work it out. ¡Besitos!

Anonymous said...

Sis, you know you have options and we all love you very much. Keep your head up and things will work out. Whatever decision you make in the end, we will support you!